


The League's Play Book Gets Published

by Artemis_Phoenix



Series: The League of Plastics Trilogy [3]
Category: Professional Wrestling
Genre: Gen, Homophobic Language, Humor, Inappropriate Humor, Mean Girls Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-02 08:06:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6558778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis_Phoenix/pseuds/Artemis_Phoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When King Barrett's revenge on The League of Nations by airing their burn book of the WWE locker room backfires, Triple H and Shane McMahon step in to action. Despite different views, how will they gain control? Read on to find out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The last of the _Mean Girls_ -inspired fic series about The League of Nations.
> 
> Those bitches.

_Damn that Alberto Del Rio!_ King Barrett thought while out on his run. After everything they shared, after all the drinking they did, it was the Mexican aristocrat that set up that three-way call, so that Sheamus could listen in, so that they could tell Rusev.  _It was ah bloody joke! Lana's not really a mafia 'ore-She's not even Russian!  Rusev speaks very good English. Sheamus still can't even act out of a paper bag. Drew won't even talk to me, of all people. He made it clear that he's too busy travelin'. But I see 'im on social media with Sheamus and Alberto! That Scotch is lucky he's not in our play-_

The Englishman stopped mid-run. An idea burned into his head. He knew how to get revenge on The League of Nations for ruining his life. He snuck into Sheamus' house that one night, tripping over everything. How he got the key to Sheamus' house is beyond anyone at this point.  _The Irish bastard is pushin' forty,_ Wade thought,  _and he still lives like ah bloody slob. There's empty protein powder jars all over the kitchen._ He snuck into his room and stole a large black binder hidden in his underwear drawer. The front of the binder was titled,  _The League of Nations presents, The Play Book of the WWE Locker Room._ It was a burn book of sorts. In that book were photographs of the WWE Locker Room. Each man and woman were on every page, along with slanderous literature they could ever think of. They never took this Play Book on the road, for if anyone were to find the book, it would cost The League of Nations their careers. That was pretty much how they all agreed to when they formed The League of Nations.

The next morning, everyone was on their way to Florida for a show there, and that was Wade began his plan. He stopped by at FedEx center to make copies and copies of the Play Book. He snuck over to the arena where the WWE was performing in. There he executed his plan. He went into the men's room to paste a photo onto one of the blank pages of the Play Book.

 _"This lad is the nastiest, narcissistic arsehole I have ever met,"_ The Englishman wrote.  _"Do not trust this son of a bitch. He is a dirty, f ugly prick!"_

The photo? It was of himself and he put his name onto it. Thankfully, he also took the time to scratch out The League of Nations' logo.

Several minutes later, he ended up in Triple H's office with the Play Book. The Game looked into the pages of the binder and was in shock.

"I found it in the men's room, 'Unter," Wade explained his lie. "Who does this? It's like ah teenager would do this!"

"What the fuck?" exclaimed Hunter as he read. "'Yeah, tell me about it. _'Xavier Woods dresses up in bacon'_?! _'Heath Slater is a dirty, kinky-_

"Ginger fag," said Wade as he tried not to laugh. "Why would someone take the time to write such 'orrible slander? That is so immature."

"We'll get to the bottom of this, Wade. Were they going to post all on this online?"

"I don't know, but I do know that out of the whole roster, only three people aren't in it." Wade's smile was devious.

When Wade left Triple H's office, he bumped into his former friends, The League of Nations. The same fuckers who jumped him the night after  _Wrestlemania 32_. He smiled at them in a twisted manner, only for Alberto to mutter something in Spanish. "Gentlemen," Hunter ordered. "My office. Now."

 

* * *

 

"Have you three seen this before?" Hunter asked The League of Nations, showing them the black binder of defamation.

"Well, I- Alberto stammered. "I've never seen it-I mean, I have seen it, but it's not mine!"

"Alberto, you getter get your stories straight, because I'm not fucking around with you."

"Hunter, Barrett wrote the damn thing," said Sheamus. "That's one of the reasons why we kicked him out of The League of Nations. He's pullin' yer arm, fella. He's tryin' to make it sound like we wrote it, but it was all Wade. It was his idea this whole time."

"Sheamus, why the hell would Barrett refer to himself as a 'fugly prick' in the book?" Hunter waved the binder at their faces. Rusev started laughing at the mention of Wade's page. "Hey, you think it's damn joke to you, Rusev?!" he yelled at him.

 

* * *

 

And as the three men were in said office, Wade continued on with his plan. He sprayed liquid adhesive on the hallway walls, the bathrooms, the locker area, the seats, the concession stand, and anywhere the Englishman could think of. Where he sprayed, he pasted every scandalous copy of the Play Book all over, before dumping all of the copies into the ring.

Meanwhile, in Triple H's office...

"Hunter!" exclaimed Sheamus. "Yer ever thought why we ain't in that book? It's because we are respected. We're like gods in the roster!"

"Yeah," Alberto added. "We're bigger, better, and faster than any one of those perros in that locker room! What are you gonna do? Punish us? After all that we did for the Authority, you're going to turn your back on The Lads? You wanna get sued again?"

 

* * *

 

When the locker room arrived at the arena, they were surprised to see a huge mess of paper, but that quickly escalated into shock. The Miz was the first one to pick up one of the papers King Barrett had thrown around with his name and face on it. " _'Made out with a sex doll?' "_  he read the paper, and Maryse, standing beside him, slapped her husband and cursed him out in French. "Oh, really? C'mon babe! That was one time!"

Big E was the next to pick up another copy, this time with his image on it. " _'Big E 's ass is so huge, he has to pay for an extra seat in coach,'_ " he read it aloud, then roll his eyes. "Wow, real mature. Who would write this?"

"Who  _wouldn't_ write it?" Adam Rose said, snickering. Then he got chased around the building by the stocky bodybuilder.

"Yo," Jimmy Uso showed his twin brother Jey one of the copies. "Check this out."

" _'Becky Lynch fucks Sasha Banks after every match they have.'_ ” Jey read it aloud, unaware that Becky and Charlotte had passed by them.

" _'And Charlotte blackmails these two dykes away from her title.'_ Damn! That's messed up!"

Suddenly, Becky punched Charlotte across the face and placed her hands around her neck. "Yer fookin' bitch!" she screamed, her accent growing thick.

"Maybe if you two slutty dykes weren't such an abomination to my title--Charlotte screamed back before Becky pounced on her and kicked the crap out of her, breaking a couple of tables.

The shock caused by the massive amount of slander all over the building went into chaos as everyone started throwing punches and kicks. Sami Zayn had knocked Kevin Owens out with a steel chair in the hallway. Kallisto did a crossbody on a group of men from atop a ladder in catering. Dean Ambrose and the Wyatt Family, who were reluctant to work with each other given their history, held a couple of referees hostage with butcher knives and barbed wire-wrapped baseball bats before getting chased by Kane with a chainsaw.

Just then, Shane McMahon arrived at the arena and walked into the chaos. Because of overwhelming support on social media, he was in charge of  _Monday_ _Night_ _RAW_ for the second week. There was blood and carnage, and he just witnessed Natalya slamming Summer Rae onto the makeup table. He tried to stop a couple of Superstars from literally killing each other, but was shoved onto the floor. There, he found his image on one of the copies of The League of Nations Play Book.  _'Shane McMahon: Prodigal Son pushes drugs on the side. Don't trust him,'_ the copy read. Shane was livid.

 

* * *

 

Back in Hunter's office...

"Well," he asked the Lads, "You have anything else you want to add? Now would be a good time to say it."

He stared coldly at Sheamus, but all the Irishman could do at this point was clear his throat. Hunter then turned to Alberto, "What about you, Del Rio?"

"I'm not saying anything else until I have a lawyer present," Alberto said with a scowl. "I think we've been down this path before."

Hunter rolled his eyes. It was Rusev's turn to answer. "Well? I'm waiting."

"Whoever wrote that book probably didn't want anybody readin' it," the Bulgarian said matter-of-factly. "Maybe they wanna put that on Twitter."

"RUSEV!" Sheamus and Alberto yelled.

"What?" Rusev yelled in Bulgarian, "Why are you yelling at me?! I'm just telling him what he wants to hear!"

"You three think this is funny, do you?" Hunter scoffed at them. "Well, you better hope no one finds out, especially on Twitter."

 

* * *

 

But it was too late, it didn't quite end up on Twitter, but it got everyone beating the living daylights out of each other. And, King Barrett got front row seats to all of the carnage that he had created. Bo was in the middle of the hallway crying to his mommy on his phone. R-Truth and Goldust picked up one of the scandalous copies. " _'R-Truth: Weirdo,_ " read Goldust.

"Ha,  _that's_ original," scoffed R-Truth.

Then Goldust read his defamatory copy. " _'_ _Too gay_ _to function'_?!"

"Hey, that's only okay when I say it!"

Goldust gasped. "Since when?"

"Since...." Suddenly, Goldust started chasing R-Truth.

Meanwhile...

They were bodies all over the arena.

"Did you write this?" asked Kofi Kingston.

"I didn't, I swear," said Sasha Banks.

"Then you told someone!" yelled Xavier Woods.

"She told!" yelled Zack Ryder.

"You little bitch!" yelled Alicia Fox.

"You're a bitch!" Paige screamed back before spearing her. The two then engaged into a hellacious catfight, which had Jimmy filming it on his phone before getting cussed out by Naomi.

Back in Hunter's office, The Game was going to dish out a few punishments to The League of Nations when John Cone, one of the referees came in. "Hunter, they've gone wild," he exclaimed. "The guys have gone wild!"

"With or without clothes?"

"With, sir."

All of a sudden, Hunter grabbed his sledgehammer and marched out of the office. The League of Nations followed suit and they have witnessed the chaos, the drama, and the carnage all over the arena. The entire building was destroyed and vandalized. He caught Ric Flair trying to separate Becky from Charlotte after reading that he had allegedly abused his own daughter in the Play Book. "Flair," he ordered him. "Get your hands off of them!"

As Ric ran out of sight, Hunter tried to help Adam, as Big E hung him on a coat rack earlier. The South African responded by kicking him. "Oh hell no!" Hunter yelled. "I did not lose the WWE World Heavyweight Championship at _Wrestlemania_ for this!"

He used the sledgehammer to break the glass of the fire alarm and setting it, causing the sprinklers to soak the entire WWE roster. Everyone screamed and ran all over the arena. (Really, guys? It's only water!) "EVERYONE IN THE WWE LOCKER ROOM REPORT TO THE RING IMMEDIATELY!!" Hunter bellowed out. "IMMEDIATELY!!"

 

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	2. Chapter 2

One by one, everyone surrounded the ring, some even sat on the chairs behind the barricades. Hunter, Shane, a few road agents, and the referees were inside the ring. Hunter had senior referee Mike Chioda hold his sledge hammer as he stood in the middle of the ring. "Never in my experience as a wrestler, even as a COO," The Game growled, "have I seen such behavior. You're lucky social media or the dirt sheets haven't picked this up. I ought to cancel the show, but it's been sold out, and I don't feel like refunding the fans."

The locker room murmured into a chorus. "Don't think I'm not going to take this book seriously!" Hunter yelled again. "Ric Flair's fled the arena. Shane here, even though I can't stand him, has been accused of selling drugs. Each and every one of you have been acting like a bunch of teenagers. What you all need is an attitude makeover because, quite frankly, everybody needs to grow the fuck up! You're going to get that makeover right now. I don't care how long it takes. I'll keep your asses here all night!"

Shane raised his hand. "Um, Hunter, we have a show to do," he said condescendingly. " _Monday Night RAW_ , remember?"

The 14-time champion glared at him. "I will keep you here until bell time," he turned to the roster. "Now what we're going to fix is how everyone relates to each other. Who here has a problem that needs to be addressed?"

Heath was the first to raise his hand. "That book said about me being kinky an' a fag," he explained. "Ah can't help it if men an' women are attracted to me an' Ah like mah nipples to be pinched! Whoever wrote that 'bout me is jealous! Ah'm just sayin'!"

Crickets...

"Oookkay..." Hunter cleared his throat. "I can't do this." He turned to Shane. "Shane, you're a reasonable, fair guy. I don't like that you're going to be RAW general manager tonight, there has be something you can do to help these men and women. Something that can help with their self-esteem."

Shane rolled his eyes. "I don't think it's a self-esteem issue. I think everyone here's pretty pleased with themselves."

"Just fucking do it, Shane!"

"Fine. Since social media wanted me as GM, I'll do it. It seems clear to me that every since you and my sister started running things, everyone's acting the way are now." Shane told Hunter to step aside before turning to the roster. "Everyone, close your eyes for a second."

The locker room hesitantly did. "Now, I want you to raise your hand if someone said some things behind your back, even through Twitter," said Shane.

Everyone raised their hands. "Now open your eyes," Shane said.

The roster opened their eyes and looked around. Shane asked them to close their eyes again, but this time he told the roster to raise their hands if someone had talked about a friend or tag team partner behind their back. A few did, even The League of Nations, despite the fact that they were the cause of all of this. They were the ones that wrote the book and they kicked King Barrett out of their faction. Speaking of King Barrett, he stood next to the Big Show ringside, and he reluctantly raised his hand. They all opened their eyes and looked around. Another chorus of murmurs echoed the walls of the arena. "All right," Shane sighed. "Here's what we're going to do. We can do a couple of exercises that could express your anger in a healthier way."

Suddenly, everyone wanted to lay the first punch. "That doesn't involve beating the hell out of each other like you did earlier!" yelled Shane. "Whoever as so much lays a finger, is suspended indefinitely, do I make myself clear?"

Everyone grumbled. So Shane had each person or tag team confront each other on issues. It was annoying the hell out of Sheamus. If Wade didn't go and steal the Play Book from his house and distribute every copy of it, this would've never happened. But, The League of Nations started the whole thing. They wrote the fucking book to begin with. The Irishman raised his hand and yelled, "Okay, yer know what?! Can I just say that this is gettin' really stupid? Some of us don't need this workshop because some of us are just victims in the situation."

"You know," exclaimed Shane. "I agree with you, Sheamus. Everyone, raise your hands if you've been personally victimized by The League of Nations."

The Locker Room, referees, road agents, and announcers, excluding the women, all raised their hands. Even Wade raised his hand (Despite the fact that he contributed to the Play Book when he was with "The Lads"). The League of Nations glared at the Englishman in disgust.

Just then, Shane picked up The League of Nations' Play Book and waved it around. "So we're here in this very ring because of this stupid book," he said, vehemently, as he looked through the pages. "Geez, Triple H is right. I don't know who wrote this book, and I don't care, but you all need to grow up. You're not in high school anymore. This is the WWE. The homophobic slurs. It ends now. Who here has been subjected to such bigotry'?"

Heath, Darren Young, Sasha, Alberto, Becky, and a few other people raised their hands. "Furthermore, _gentlemen_ ," Shane continued on, "the slut-shaming. That also ends. This also goes for the Women's Division. Who here has been called a slut?"

The majority of the women, including Lana (made by Wade) raised their hands. Rusev got more angry at Wade for that night. Shane shook his head in disgust. He created another exercise where everyone in the locker room had to write out an apology to the person they have hurted. When they were done, they had to fall back from the top rope so that a group of people could catch them. "Dean," Kevin began. "I'm sorry I called you a lunatic. It's not your fault you have mental problems."

He fell backwards from the top rope, and surprisingly, everyone caught him. "Sheamy," Rusev began addressing Sheamus. "I sorry for laughin' at your fat ass that time you got drunk and ran around naked at Barnes & Noble. I sorry for tellin' everybody about it...and repeatin' it now."

Rusev fell and everyone caught him. Sheamus had never been so embarrassed.

"E," It was Kofi's turn addressing his fellow New Day member. "I don't hate you because you're fat. You're fat because I hate you."

As Kofi fell on top of a few referees and superstars. An unknown woman approached the ring. "I wish we could all get along like we used to in the indies," she began, her voice cracking and mascara running down her cheeks. "I wish I could bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles, and we'd all eat and be happy."

"SHE DOESN'T EVEN WORK HERE!" yelled Curtis Axel.

Shane coldly stared at her. "Are you an NXT Superstar?" he asked her.

"No," said the woman, sniffling. "I just have a lot of feelings."

"Okay, you need to leave." Shane motioned for security to escort the woman out of the building. Hunter praised him for getting through to the locker room. "Like I said," Shane retorted, "this is pretty much yours, my sister's, and my father's doing. Once again, I have to clean up your shit."

As he and The Game argued, Tyler Breeze climbed on the top rope and addressed, "I'm sorry that you uggos are jealous of me. I can't help it if I'm good-looking than all of you."

The locker room parted like the Red Sea and Tyler fell literally on his ass. The people laughed and jeered at him. "Okay!" yelled Shane. "Walk it off! Walk it off!"

When the show started a few hours later, Shane had The League of Nations and King Barrett in his office, because he had found out (by scratching the crayon off the binder that masked the logo) that it the four men who wrote the book. The "lads" and Wade started arguing and insulting each other, and Shane had enough. So he had Wade escorted off the premises and suspended indefinitely. As for Sheamus, Alberto, and Rusev, they were forced to break up and endure a series of punishments laid out by the Women's Division. They were subjected to makeovers and had to pick out outfits for them. It was....

"NOOOOO!!!" The League of Nations all screamed as Paige, Natalya, and Becky punished them with mascara, lip gloss, and foundation.

 

 

**THE END.**


End file.
